---- LYRICS ----
There's a holiday for everyone
so you need not fret or come undone
Pagan, saint, Muslim, Jew
it's all mashed up, we've made it new

ThanksOweenEasterNukkah RamadaKwanzaMas
Sing it fast or sing it slow
either way you're sure to know
it represents all none of us!

ThanksOweenEasterNukkah RamadaKwanzaMas
the gluttonous feast, the humble fast
the pumpkin trees aglow
the PC holiday for every none of us!

---- Man Speaking ----
Wo, wo, wo… I don't get this.
Why don't we just let people have their
cultural heritage and their ethnic festivities
and their religious observances?
What's so bad about that?
---- Woman Speaking ----
Let's break it down for him, boys

---- Singing ----
Let me help you understand
though a melting pot we claim
true diversity and tolerance
have proven a great legal pain!
So just…

ThanksOweenEasterNukkah RamadaKwanzaMas!
Socially it's quite perverse
but to be safe let's learn each verse
ThanksOweenEasterNukkah RamadaKwanzaMas!

---- Woman Speaking ----
I've only got 364 days left to shop!